Jun 23 2007
A Bittersweet Goodbye
…to our friend Laura.
Many things moved me over the course of Laura’s journey, but two things Abbot Joseph told us in his recent posts on Laura’s blog will stay with me for a long, long time. They re-enkindled within me a sense of awe, of wonder, at the Lord’s workings.
One is that Laura was forty days on her deathbed without food, forty days of fasting while on this physical and spiritual journey to her Bridegroom. The other was that she was only able to take a bit of water, placed on her lips, with a sponge.
I believe it was Julian of Norwich (or was it St. Faustina?) who said, “The Bride must resemble the Bridegroom”. Lord, please help us all to be as united to You as was Laura, to be as well-prepared to enter Your Kingdom. Dear Laura, please pray for us.
Jesus appeared to His disciples, but not as a ghost. He ate something to prove He was truly alive, and Thomas placed his hands into Jesus’ wounds. So, too, us – all glory be to Him for it. We will miss her, but she won’t miss us; she will simply be waiting in secure joy for our arrival.
This is my way to “not blog Him.”
The word “betrothed” read elsewhere today, along with the phrase “the Bride must resemble the Bridegroom,” and also along with seeing how much J___ (dying) looked like the photo of her husband — something I’ve never noticed before — set off some thinking which I’m not sure I can put into words, but I’ll try.
After a while, one does tend to resemble one’s spouse in different ways. Sometimes they walk alike, sometimes they have come to laugh the same way, often they use the same phrasing of things. Sometimes they look at or say the same sometihng at exactly the same moment. Sometimes they finish each other’s sentence; sometimes they just smile which incorporates many silent paragraphs built up over years.
I remember when we were talking about the Transforming Union, and how Laura had wished for that, but it didn’t seem to be happening for her. We began to pray it for her. (Well, I presume more than I was doing so.) But perhaps because she had never looked at Him in quite that way personally for herself, and perhaps because betrothal is far more real and as true individually as well as collectively, and because there wasn’t a lot of time left unto her to walk with Him as His betrothed, perhaps He condensed many years of knowing each other as spouse into a few weeks of intensity.
I recall whatever I suffered for DH or for our marriage, I didn’t rue. The suffering and sacrifices all through the years were real, but they were accepted for him and for us, so it was alright. I could name a number of examples, but shouldn’t. Yet, you know what I’m saying? I hope somewhere along the way, it was something like that for Laura.. I hope she knew how Personally she was loved, that the suffering was indeed a resembling of her Divine Betrothed, sped up. Those who would be one with Him, can’t skip that suffering, emptying, all giving, sacrificial, sacramental, pure love resemblance. I hope she nodded.
By the way, Gabrielle, I clicked on The Rosary and Contemplative Prayer link as you suggested and found it enlightening while easily readable at the same time.
gypsy, I think Abbot Joseph, with Laura’s permission, has given us as detailed an account of her spiritual journey as is possible, so I would defer to him on anything along those lines. I think one of the reasons they decided to do this was because both he and Laura wanted to really help people understand how important it is to do the purgation work, the purification work, while here in the body. But there’s no doubt in my mind that Laura “nodded”.
Ann, thank you, and I’m very happy you found the link useful.
I think women are born nodding “yes” to suffering whatever must be borne for others’ good (and even for self’s greater good). I just recall when I was dying, the not thinking of it as love. I could only offer it for the greater spiritual peace of an “enemy” who treated me badly, but whom I pitied because her life was so hard, and would continue to be hard now until she died. I figured my loved ones would be fine, but not her. I’ve never seen anyone sadder than her when she said of the faith that she’d get all fired up sometimes, but then it would just drift away..
But what struck me most was the approach that the Abbott described of the Byzantine Rite towards the funeral service. I absolutely love and can completely identify with the the desire that Laura had that her funeral be a “teaching moment.”
I have often thought that funerals should be opportunities for reflection and growth but too often become testimonials and roasts. It is beautiful to remember the deceased for their personality quirks and accomplishments but it is most important to remember and reflect on the fact hat this, too, is our fate. We will leave an empty shell behind to be mourned and entombed by our friends and loved ones while we proceed to stand face-to-face with our Lord and Creator.
I don’t think there is a greater blessing that Laura could leave to her friends and family than that “teaching moment” which reminds us of our purpose and our fate. I know that this woman that I don’t even know has provided me with “teaching” and I am grateful for it. Perhaps I will have the opportunity thank her in eternity.
She speaks to us today of ‘preparation’, so that we ‘don’t let that day take us unaware’. She was gifted and blessed.
Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful responses here. It is a testament to Laura’s own gentleness, I think.
//Joakim