Apr 23 2007
Attachment
Why is it that the subject of detachment in the spiritual life is so generally misunderstood, avoided, or thrown out altogether from our spiritual practice as something so “inhuman” as to not be worth investigation? One of the reasons, according to Father Thomas Dubay, is that we do not understand what “attachments” are in the first place.
In, “Fire Within”, Fr. Dubay tells us that, “strong attractions to persons or things are not attachments”, and “having a feeling of pleasure in any of the five senses in connection with these persons or things is also not attachment”. So what does “attachment” mean, in its undesirable sense? It means, writes Fr. Dubay, “voluntary, disordered seekings”; “willed seekings of finite things in and for themselves rather than seeking them in God, their true Source and Purpose”. Attachment is desiring or centering on something created, for its own sake.
So in our exploration of detachment, we will be looking at some of these things – disordered seekings and desires versus natural appetites, created versus Uncreated, finite versus Infinite, relative versus Absolute – and we will see why virtually every contemplative writer equates detachment with freedom. Freedom, and love.
How I had thanked God for those trees, esepcially having grown up and lived in so many dismal parts of downtowns..how I had longed for a weeping willow to play under, etc. It took an unanswered agonized “WHY???” phone call and quite a few months before I could forgive him. It took much longer to get over a senseless loss that wouldn’t come back. I’m not sure I’m over it, but I did decide to let love win, now that I had a clear and simple choice, because my neighbor – a single and sometimes lonely man who so loved us all in his own way and who would suffer too much loss over this, including that of our grandson calling him Uncle to both their delight – was far more important than trees, and I worked my way to that. An apology would’ve helped, but I’d had to let go of a real wound. Trees could be re-planted, but we could not grow another Uncle Neighbor, and his loss would be felt for all his life.
Of course I am the one who ended up apologizing, which nearly dissolved him that day we finally hugged again. It was not a bad thing to which I had become attached; I love nature and consider nothing mine exclusively — I would share these yards with all.. I have told project-living folks stopping in our shade on their way home to feel free to picnic here..initially, it was a dream to create a river walk/hike for poor or inner-city kids, etc. But I’d loved my ease more than my neighbor’s feelings.
By the by, comment moderation here should be turned off by Thursday I’m told. Sorry I was tardy in putting this comment up. I wasn’t feeling too well, and went to bed right after work, and didn’t wake up till 4 a.m.! (The time on these posts is wrong, by the way; it’s actually after 5 a.m. right now.)
Actually, I was going to email you and ask you to not put up my comment, as in re-reading the post, I realized that’s not what Fr. Dubay or you are talking about.. this attachment of mine was not a voluntary disordered seeking. God knows, I do not seek troubles which I know will rip my heart to shreds. But for sure, I have had to battle some willed seekings.. I cling to more shins than those of Himself. But I was too heart-strung last night to do anything but go to bed and commune with son’s cat. I’d gone into Marion’s room to look for a fan, and was hit in the face with a giant concrete wall. On it was written, “She is not here. And she is never coming back.” I just wish someone hadn’t left her walker right where she left it, and the little stuffed kittens in the window, and her shoes near her chair, her doggone Easter candy half-opened, half-eaten..
Anyway, thank you for all you do here.
I’ll try to pay attention.
Love,
Carol
Yes, it’s very difficult when it comes time for dealing with a loved one’s personal belongings, isn’t it (even if not related). Cleaning out the room at the residence, and preparing it for someone else must be emotionally draining, but on the other hand, if you had walked in and it had already been done and there wasn’t a trace of Marion anywhere, oh, I think that would be even worse.
I’ll pray for you to feel better, Gabrielle.
I’m going to have to get “Fire Within” soon..
I’m excited tonight.. I stumbled across two very overdue library books.. one is Merton’s “The New Man.”
If you have Advil (ibuprofen) there, it may help more than Tylenol. Tylenol works on me as well as sunscreen does.
Headache? Footache? What shall we pray against for thee?
Yes, we have Advil (even way up here in Canada!) but I don’t keep it in the house because my son’s allergic to NSAIDS. I’m feeling a bit better though (not to worry – just another flu or something…)
You know, I’m not putting the majority of these little faces in my comments on purpose. They just keep appearing, like wild mushrooms. But they amuse me.
Usually when I try to put up a : ‘ – ) teardropped face (without the spaces) it comes out like this :’-) instead. These mushrooms have a mind of their own.
Champignon Sauvage. Ah hah! Either an anonymous blog or a new French restaurant. Let me think…