Contemplative Haven

Apr 19 2007

Indifference With a Difference

Published by gabrielle at 12:48 am under Detachment

Possibly one of the most difficult things to attain on our spiritual journey, and very likely one of the most misunderstood, is something which is generally referred to as “detachment”. Our modern-day usage of the word, signifying an emotional state of coldness, of non-caring, tends to muddle our way of thinking about it in the spiritual sense. It may even cause us to reject the concept of detachment outright as something not only personally unattainable “because we care about people too much”, but as something we may even consider to be undesirable.

Detachment, in earlier years, was also known as “Holy Indifference”, and was discussed in conjunction with terms such as “self-immolation” and “self-abandonment”. The goal, and only possible outcome, of true detachment is the exact opposite of coldness of heart and of cutting oneself off from people. It is a selflessness which brings a peaceful contentment to body, mind and soul, allowing us to perform our duties in a state of serenity, and positioning us to be of service to others.

So let’s talk about it. Let’s take a much closer look at what it is and what it isn’t, and why the mere mention of it often gets people very upset. Let’s get to the bottom of detachment, guided, as always, by our contemplative saints and writers.

18 responses so far

18 Responses to “Indifference With a Difference”

# Carolon 19 Apr 2007 at 6:59 am

Uh-oh.. someone just pushed a hot-button. I’d better duct-tape one hand to the underside of my desk chair, lest I type two-fast just now… Those who’ve been a victim of others’ detachment, especially if it is suddenly invoked, know the feeling, and I’m afraid I’ve done nearly the same to some. Some folks embrace Kempis, Gandhi, hesychasts, Asian monks, and Escriva but I stumble less painfully after the warm detachment of Merton, Francis, Carmel, Wojtyla and Homick who extinguish neither their own fire nor others’. (That’s all on a post-it note stuck to my forehead; I’ll hush now and look forward to wiser differentiations!)
# gabrielleon 19 Apr 2007 at 7:25 am

I have to leave for work now, but this is what we’re going to be talking about – common misinterpretations of what detachment really is, and isn’t. Hope it will help. (Snow’s gone – saw six groundhogs yesterday. So cute.)
# Owenon 19 Apr 2007 at 8:05 am

I just read this post and recommend it.
# Carolon 19 Apr 2007 at 8:09 am

(Have a good day.. the flood here is gone, river has dropped quite a few feet, sun’s out, will only see groundhogs the moment we put in a garden..I slapped one in the face once with a white glove when he/she thought too lightly of my lilac bush.. Thought until just now that today was Friday, so I’m delighted that I have 1.5 more days before work still, as I am in rearrange-mode.)
# ~m2~on 19 Apr 2007 at 3:44 pm

i saw this very first thing this morning and knew my response would be too long, so made it into a blog post…

thank you for giving me much to think about.
# gabrielleon 19 Apr 2007 at 7:32 pm

Thanks, Owen. That was an excellent post you told us about, and a new site for me at least. But rather than abandonment in that sense, i.e., in the process of discernment and desiring to know the will of God, re detachment we’ll be talking more about abandonment from ’self’, from selfish clingings and desires. But it’ll all take a few posts…

Carol, I’m very relieved the water levels have dropped. Hope you won’t overdo it, though, putting everything back in place.

Thanks, Penni. I’ll be over to take a look a little later tonight when it’s peaceful. This was something I had said I would do a few months ago, but I could just never get around to it…
# forget me noton 20 Apr 2007 at 5:05 pm

Hi everyone, I’ve been away on business again, seems I’ve missed much. Carol, what happened? Was it the Nor’easter?
I’ll be thinking about this post while I make preps for hubby’s 50th birthday on Sunday. I’ll be back online some time next week. I spent the whole trip back talking about detachment to my boss. Not an easy topic when you have a business going down the drains and a son who is tired of 17 years of dialysis and 2 failed kidney transplants.
# Carolon 20 Apr 2007 at 11:08 pm

I’ll keep his son in prayer, as well as the boy’s father. Yes, a Nor’eastah.. the second in two weeks. Both of them shut schools well upstate due to heavy snow, and we ended up losing trees everywhere that pulled down lines everywhere, so that power was lost.. some still have no electricity. But the flooding was the worst.. it’s ugly stuff.

Wow, Happy B-day to hubby! I hear that 50 is a very good age

Oh, trust me, Gabrielle, I never overdo it. That’s against my religion (Irish).
# gabrielleon 21 Apr 2007 at 12:52 am

Hi, fmn. That is very sad about your boss’ son, coupled with the layoffs and everything. I’m sure he appreciated being able to discuss it with you though. I have a pretty strong hunch you were of comfort to him.

I hope your husband has a wonderful 50th birthday celebration. I’m sure he will, since you’re doing the planning, and I guess it’s warm enough in Italy to have something lovely outside. Have a great time!

Carol, I trust you completely. Sort of. For a gypsy girl, that is.
# forget me noton 21 Apr 2007 at 4:41 am

Hi, thanks ladies. The weather is gorgeous here, in the 70’s and sunny. Trees, wheat fields, fruit trees are all at the bright green stage, blood red poppies and multi-colored wild flowers are blooming all over the place. But we’re having this party in a farm restaurant where local specialties are served. We’ll have 5-6 antipastos, two small portions of pasta, and some kind of lamb roast and veggies, plus fruit and cake at the end. It’s going to be a lonnnng day and we may well be rolling, instead of walking, out of there by the end of it!
I found this from my Henri Nouwen newsletter which may tie in with the theme of detachment.
Ordering Our Desires

“Desire is often talked about as something we ought to overcome. Still, being is desiring: our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our souls are full of desires. Some are unruly, turbulent, and very distracting; some make us think deep thoughts and see great visions; some teach us how to love; and some keep us searching for God.

Our desire for God is the desire that should guide all other desires. Otherwise our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls become one another’s enemies and our inner lives become chaotic, leading us to despair and self-destruction.

Spiritual disciplines are not ways to eradicate all our desires but ways to order them so that they can serve one another and together serve God.”
# forget me noton 21 Apr 2007 at 4:46 am

PS. My kids are still sleeping because Lorenzo just got back from his class trip to the South of France. We had a late night last night, and I can’t rev up the vaccuum cleaner just yet…so I paid an unexpected visit here.

Carol I’m so sorry about the damage your area has had. My mom said they were on the edge of it in Pa, but New Jersey is still reeling from it. Did you get flooding in your home? That must be a frightening experience!
# Carolon 21 Apr 2007 at 10:31 am

Well, my Celtic clan was nomadic. But I’m leaning toward sureness that they were lovers, not fighters.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.. how come if I would best describe my home as one transportation seat or another, FMN’s in it more than I am??
# gabrielleon 21 Apr 2007 at 10:37 am

fmn, that sounds fabulous. I bet JohnT would love to be at table with you! Excellent quote from Nouwen – “not ways to eradicate all our desires but ways to order them…serve God”. This is one area we’ll be discussing for certain. But I’m going to take some time off this weekend too; the weather’s warm, and we’re going for a little drive in the countryside this afternoon.
# gabrielleon 21 Apr 2007 at 10:43 am

She’s just that cosmopolitan kind of woman I guess, dashing from airport to airport. I can barely ever even locate my bus tickets to get to work. Gotta go now – the spring weather beckons!
# Carolon 21 Apr 2007 at 7:35 pm

Good heavens, some posts appear well after mine, yet they are before.. I think I’d better hold off on commenting for a couple of days.

Nah, all’s well here, FMN.
# Carolon 27 Apr 2007 at 8:42 am

Henri Nouwen’s quote (again — I didn’t see it til just now!!) is great food for thought this morn.
# Driftwoodon 06 May 2007 at 12:48 pm

Quote “It is a selflessness which brings a peaceful contentment to body, mind and soul, allowing us to perform our duties in a state of serenity, and positioning us to be of service to others”
This is also my perception of detachment. When I trained in counselling and learned ‘not’ to console, to put aside my own ’stuff’ about my concern or distress for my client, in order to ‘be at one’ with them, I became aware of the essence of detachment. Only then could I truely put others feelings before my own and only then could I be of service to them.
# Gabrielleon 07 May 2007 at 1:15 am

Hi Driftwood. That is a really good example, how it comes into play in counselling. This is not to say that empathy and sympathy are bad, but there is a certain “other” place we can be in that helps far more.